


Of Rodents, Rows and Revelations

by Quidnunc



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Phil gets a hamster, called Marshmallow, idek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 03:47:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7558927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quidnunc/pseuds/Quidnunc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil gets a hamster and Dan feels neglected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Rodents, Rows and Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing, nothing, so please do not sue! (To be sung to the tune of "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston.) 
> 
> Also, if you stumbled across this by googling either your name or that of your flatmate, proceed at your own risk and please do not judge me.

Dan and Phil had been living in their Manchester apartment for about six months when they began to have problems. 

These problems, namely, were that Dan realised that the feelings he had for Phil were more than just friendship. This wouldn't have been an issue, if Phil hadn't been completely and utterly oblivious to his flatmate's unrequited pining. But so it was and Dan couldn't think of anything else than Phil and how adorable the guilty look on his face was when he stole Dan's cereal or how animatedly he talked to his house plants. 

The more he thought about it, the more he realised that right from the beginning, he'd been completely gone for Phil, and his weird and wonderful approach to life. But of course, such an amazing ray of sunshine wouldn't ever fall in love with someone like Dan, constantly having an existential crisis and hiding his emotions with sarcasm. 

In an attempt to accept this, Dan tried to act like there was nothing wrong, but the more he tried, the more impossible it proved: every conversation, every daft comment and silly video served further to remind him that Phil wasn't his and never would be. 

Eventually Phil noticed Dan's odd behaviour towards him, but could not figure out what was wrong. Dan withdrew more and more and Phil started to feel a bit lonely. So he decided to deal with the situation the way that every normal adult would (not): he bought a hamster. It was a fluffy, little ball of white fur and it was simply adorable. Almost as adorable as Phil found Dan's frowny expression, upon being told that Phil had bought a pet. 

As Dan’s isolation increased, Phil started to spend almost all his time - when he wasn't sneakily stealing Dan's cereal - with his hamster. He petted him, let him run loose in the bathtub or put him in his hamster ball. Inspired by the hamster's fluffy white fur, Phil decided to name his new friend Marshmallow. 

He told Dan, expecting him to roll his eyes fondly and tell him what an embarrassing hamster-dad he was. But this wasn't how Dan reacted. Instead he slammed down the TV remote and got up to leave the room. 

'Do you ever talk about anything other than that bloody hamster? God, you're ridiculous.' 

He stormed into his room, leaving Phil stood in the sitting room with Marshmallow, hurt and confused. He didn't understand what had just happened, but Dan clearly had some sort of problem. So Phil quickly put Marshmallow back into his cage and followed Dan to his room. 

Dan was sat at his computer, headphones on with Kanye blaring so loudly that Phil could hear it from the door. Pushing aside some momentary concern for Dan's eardrums, he strode across the room and yanked the headphones off, ignoring Dan's yelp of indignation. 

"What is your problem?" he asked. "You've been behaving odd for weeks now and now you have a go at my hamster? What's wrong?" 

"I don't have a problem!" Dan snapped, trying to get his earphones out of Phil's grasp. "I'm just sick of you being obsessed with that fluffy animal. It's embarrassing!" 

Phil felt the blood rush to his cheeks, years of snide comments and hushed laughs at school rushing back to him. 

"I'm embarrassing? Me? I'm just enjoying my life, Dan - you're the one sulking in your room like a teenager." 

"You know what, if you don't like the way I am and that I spend all my time in my room, maybe it is the best if I just leave. Maybe I will just move out, hamster boy!” Dan shouted in anger. 

"Then do!" Phil shouted, furious tears starting in his eyes. "At least Marshmallow isn’t a mean, insecure mess like you." 

"Fine!" Dan shouted. "Fine! I'll leave." 

He grabbed his phone and did not ever bother to change out of his pyjamas as he stormed out of the flat, still steaming with rage. As the sound of the door slamming echoed round the flat, Phil sat down in Dan's chair. His hands were shaking as he swiped at his eyes. 

"What have I done?" he whispered into the empty room. 

~~~

Outside of the 17-story building, Dan realised how dumb he had been. Not only had he mocked and insulted his best friend in the entire world, he also hadn't taken into consideration that it was the middle of winter: storming out of the flat into the freezing cold air dressed only in his thin game of thrones pyjamas wasn't his best idea ever. Still, there was no way he was going back up there.

Sitting down on the edge of the empty fountain, he loaded up Angry Birds and began to play. He tried to ignore the cold, but the longer he sat there, the more violently he shivered and the number his fingers became, until he could barely co-ordinate them enough to press 'Play' on the start menu. The cold marble of the fountain seeped through the thin cotton of his PJs, and soon his teeth were chattering. 

How could his life have gone to shit in such a short period of time? All he wanted was to make up with Phil or at least get a sweater from his apartment. But he couldn't, because he couldn't face Phil at the moment and simply sneaking into his room to get warmer clothes was out of the question as well, since he did not even have his keys with him. He started crying. 

The worst aspect of it all was that this had confirmed to him, once and for all, that Phil couldn't possibly return his feelings. After all, who could love a mean, insecure mess like him? In Phil's position he'd probably choose a cute, unproblematic rodent as well!

Dan was so absorbed in his misery that he didn't notice the figure walking towards him until they sat down at his side. 

"I'm sorry,” Phil mumbled. "I shouldn't have blown up like that. I know that I was mean and you probably won't want accept my apology. But at least accept this jumper I've brought you?" 

Phil held out his green hoodie. Unable to make eye contact with him, Dan pulled the hoodie on and immediately felt a bit better. 

'Thanks,' he said, sniffing. There was a long, awkward pause, while Phil played with his fingers and Dan tried to stop crying. Finally, he managed to say, ‘I know I've been awful for the past few weeks. I don't blame you for not wanting me around. I just mess everything up.' He wiped at his eyes and nose, hating that Phil was seeing him like this. 

"No, it's not your fault!" Phil tried to calm him and laid a hand on his back soothingly. "Or at least, not completely. But what was your problem, why did you act so strangely?" 

"Of course it was my fault," Dan said, wearily. He felt very tired; he just wanted to go back inside, curl up in bed and forget any of this had ever happened. "I was being an idiot. I just couldn't stand seeing you so besotted with Marshmallow when we've grown apart." 

He laughed, but it came out more like a hiccup. "How lame is that, right? Being jealous of a hamster." 

Phil just stared at him astounded. "But you were the one withdrawing from me. I thought you needed more space and so I got Marshmallow to be my friend." 

"But I’m your friend! Your best friend!" 

"Well, you haven't been acting like it!" Phil retorted. When Dan's face crumpled, he softened a bit and put his arm around him. 

"Dan," he said, more gently, "you do understand that between you and Marshmallow, I'll always love you more, right? I mean, he's cute, but you're the person I need the most." 

For the first time in the conversation, Dan turned his head to look at him, astonishment registering on his tear-stained face. 

"What?"

"Nothing can come between me and you. Don't ever forget that. You are the most important person in my life." Phil emphasised. 

Dan's eyes lit up. 

"Do you mean it?" he croaked, barely daring to hope. Phil's "Yes" had hardly left his lips when Dan leaned forward and sealed them with his own. 

Their kiss only lasted a second before Dan pulled back, obviously horrified with that he had let his emotions overcome him. " I .. I'm sorry", he stuttered, but before he could continue and take his actions back, Phil's lips were on his again and they kissed each other passionately. 

Dan lost himself in the feel of Phil's hands on his waist and lips on his. He couldn't believe that after nearly two years, everything he'd hoped for had come true. Suddenly though, the perfect moment was interrupted with an ear-splitting scream. 

"OH MY GOD, PHAN IS REAL!!" 

They hastily broke apart and turned towards the ruckus, only to see three phones directed at them, clearly filming the scene. Beside him, Phil heard Dan whisper, "Shit!" He was just about to scold him for swearing in front of teenagers, when one of the girls behind the phones piped up, 'Oh my God, they're holding hands! That's so cute!' 

Then he registered that Dan's hand had found its way into his, and it was absolutely freezing. 

"What should we do?" Dan started to freak out. "They know, they'll expose us! We will never -" 

Phil interrupted him before he could go into full on panic mode.

"Hey girls," he said, smiling despite his pounding heart. "I'm really sorry to disappoint you, but I think you've got the wrong impression. You see, Dan here -" 

He motioned back to Dan, who was standing stock-still and mouthing "what are you doing?" at him 

"- Dan here had a bit of an altercation with my hamster and ran outside in his pyjamas in the middle of winter, like an idiot. He managed to give himself hypothermia, so I had to give him mouth to mouth and hold his hands to warm him up." 

He paused to see how his story was going down, and met three very unconvinced expressions. One of the girls had even loaded up the "why you always lying" meme on her phone. He turned back to Dan, who had his head in his hands. Crumbs, he needed to think quickly! Burrowing into his pocket, he pulled out his wallet. 

"I'll give you fifty pounds each if you delete this video from your phones, okay?" 

He heard Dan murmur in the background, "Oh God, Phil, what are you doing? Jesus on a boat, you can't just bribe them!" 

Phil saw the shocked, and also kind of disappointed, expressions of the girls and quickly tried to backpedal. "I... I mean.. you...we.." he stuttered. 

"God, let me try!" said Dan, stepping forward. "So hiya, ehm, it's really important for us that this doesn’t go public. Because yes, “phan” is real -" The girls started screaming at that. "But, but!" Dan held up a hand. "Only since literally three minutes ago and I think it would do us no good to go public so early. You understand. So we would really, really appreciate if you would just delete the video and any photos from your phones. Please?" 

The girls looked up at them, looking equal parts ecstatic and heartbroken. Finally, the tallest of them spoke up. 

"Fine, we agree" - her friends gave twin gasps of dismay - "but only on the condition that you give us all signed statements saying that we were the first fans to know that phan was real, for any future scenario in which you do come out.” 

Dan looked at Phil, who shrugged as if to say, "This is probably the best we're going to do." He held out his hand to the girls. "Deal." 

~~~

After sealing their deal with their handshake and watching the girls delete the videos, Dan and Phil hugged each of them and took derpy selfies, and in the end, all three girls went home with signed scarves, completely happy with their amazing day (that was not on fire). 

"Well, that was a close call," Dan sighed, once the girls were well out of earshot. When Phil didn't reply, he turned to him, only to see the other Youtuber staring at him with a huge grin on his face. "What?" 

“So, “phan” is real?" said Phil, a little hesitantly. 

Dan looked down at their linked hands and smiled. "Yeah, I guess it is," he replied. 

Holding hands Dan and Phil returned to the flat, and while they walked there, Dan asked, "Can I play with Marshmallow tonight?" 

"Sure, you can, we can all play together!" Phil beamed. Now that Dan was sure of Phil's love, he could accept Marshmallow, the hamster, as their pet. 

But he would still never let him anywhere near his hair.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
